I was talking to a friend the other day and reached some clarity around the concept of self love and reflection...let me explain.
If I were to sum it up in one sentence I would say that everything happening in our lives, EVERYTHING, is simply a reflection of what is happening inside of us. If I feel I am not being listened to, I am not listening; if I am feeling judged, I am judging; if I do not value myself, others are not valuing me...see how this works?
The other idea that keeps growing for me is how it is not WHAT happens to us in our lives that matters, but rather it is the BELIEFS about what happens to us and the thoughts we attach to that brings about our suffering. If I believe you should not have been mean to me, I feel hurt and angry, which causes me to suffer, not you. I may retaliate, but I know from experience that doesn't relieve my suffering. Only by changing my attachment to the belief that you should or shouldn't DO anything to me, will I be empowered enough to release the thought and not suffer. For instance:
If you say something mean to me and my feelings get hurt, I will think about the experience, tell my husband about it, probably cry a little or think of all the things I should have said back to you...I will spend a lot of time on this one issue. When it comes right down to it - you may have spent less than 1 minute saying the thing that "hurt" me and I have spent over 30 minutes reliving it in my mind...hurting myself. Who do you think does the most damage in this scenario?
If you take this concept and flip it inside out, you may find the same thing is true in the opposite direction. If I love myself and am comfortable with who I am, I am not threatened by others and I treat them the way I feel about myself. If I am insecure, I will react defensively; if I am angry at myself, I will project that anger onto those around me.
It is such a simple concept with some incredible possibilities. I have been trying hard to step back in high emotion situations. In some recent posts you will notice I have been more successful at times than others - let's face it, life long habits are difficult to break. Ultimately, I am attempting to prep myself for the next time I think something like "my husband should listen to me" to stay with the thought and determine whether it may be possible that I should actually listen to my husband to create the reflection I would like to see.
Just a thought...:)
I Am Grateful,
HB
Diva Quote: "“If I speak of myself in different ways, that is because I look at myself in different ways.”
Michel de Montaigne
Humm... Very interesting!!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the pay it forward concept. And lots of times while reading I thought of something Sifu Gardner would say, though Kung fu classes were kept very non denominational he was probably slipping in lots of the Tibetian Buhdhism teachings from his belief system.
The main thing that comes to mind is that this life is an illusion. What you "think" is real is not the case. My constant struggle to "LET GO". Is ongoing. But I'll tell you the times when you can let go of that self judgement or critical anything you perceive from someone else-- it is very FREEING! And I think the reason I always feel like a million bucks when I leave class is that when I leave there- I want to be a better person.
It goes back to you cannot love another unless you can love yourself first.
Some of the word begin our meditation sessions were-
"My mind is calm, my mind is clear. My mind is calm and clear.
I will be gentle and kind to others and to myself."
More than that but roughly that's the just.
Love you tons,
Need a girls night with you again!
Love A
You two are deep.....reminds me of the saying....."when momma ain't happy, no ones happy"....that is very true. Major difference around here when I am happy or excited, I am playful and teasing, and giving out free hugs and we are all glad. When I am rushed and stressed and so forth......every one gets grumpy and mean. We definitely set the tone, regardless of where we are at....more so at home, but we can influence and attract where ever we are.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts to think about sistas!