As many guru's, self help books, cd's and classes I have internalized over the years you would think I would be transported in a blink of an eye into the next life. I should be so perfect by now. My energy should be so bright and my purpose so clear I should just karmically (is this a word) be able to skip death altogether and just go on into the next experience.
Instead, my husband asked me "why are you so mean?" this morning, I ate Taco Bell for lunch instead of the healthy lunch I brought, my hair has this weird, rather distracting bump in it I only noticed at 4 p.m., I became the moron that thought I couldn't unlock my car door because the clicker ran out of batteries, I resisted like crazy making 5 prospecting calls and I got called by Subaru collections because I forgot to pay the one bill I have that does not come out of my account automatically for the last 2 months in a row (oops).
That whole paragraph sounds like complaining...it isn't really, it is just my constant reminder that I can't seem to stop tripping over myself.
In the end, Trav and I made up before I left the house, I made a nice dinner this evening and only had a small portion, my hair IS weird, but I think no one cared, I eventually figured out how to use a real key on my car again and got the clicker battery changed today, I DID make the 5 calls even though it was awkward for me, I called Subaru and received the best, most pleasant service I have received in years. It was almost worth it to talk to Shannon (Mr.) who waived my late fee, gave me empathy as I expressed my frustration in my failed attempts to get auto pay set up and my embarrassment at missing payments and who was so friendly it actually made me want to invite him over for popcorn and a movie on Saturday night.
I believe all the books and self-help guides I have read. There is a pattern of truth that shows up in all of them and they all weave together in an amazing tapestry. Two of my favorite cds I have recently re-listened to in fragments, a little here a little there, and I am amazed at the HUGE difference in philosophy that somehow arrives at the same place in the end. Here is where I know I see truth. I guess my problem comes to light in my own self doubt. I am constantly sabotaging my efforts and setting myself up to fail.
There is a key to releasing my self-doubt...I'll figure it out.
I Am Grateful,
HB
Diva Quote: "We’ll never survive!”
“Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”
William Goldman, The Princess Bride (love that show)
Again, nailed it with the quote. You are the honest to goodness "Quote Myster" and I mean that.
ReplyDeleteDang it. I may as well have written that frustrating paragraph, and just switched it out with my own mess ups......preventable mess ups.
Right now it seems like K and I are on a downward spiral of having to pay out $500 dollar chuncks at a time for unavoidable, unpredictable, circumstances. The broken semi - truck key (Well - this was avoidable, but also very unpredictable. My surprise tooth crown - $500, Kevs CFI - (flight cert) expired while he was held out of country - instead of $100, it will be several more hundred dollars because it has now expired, and the list goes on. We can't seem to stop the drain.
It gets so discouraging doesn't it? But really, this has just got to mean there is some great news waiting on the flip side of all this.....right?
That is what I believe. Keep your chin up, keep calm, and carry on. And good heavens, look how awesome all your stuff worked out. YeAH!!! Thank goodness for people like Shannon!! They really are out there.
Okay so your post on self-doubt reminded me of a quote I shared during a lesson I recently taught in Relief Society. It is "churchy" but here goes anyway. :) ELder Uchtdorf shared the story of the ugly duckling as part of a talk and then had this to say:
ReplyDelete"There will always be voices telling you that you are foolish to believe that you are swans, insisting you are but ugly ducklings and that you can’t expect to become anything else. But you know better. Because of the revealed word of a merciful God, you have seen your true reflection in the water and you have felt the eternal glory of that divine spirit within you. You are no ordinary beings, my beloved young friends all around the world. You are glorious and eternal.
It is my prayer and blessing that when you look at your reflection, you will be able to see beyond imperfections and self-doubts and recognize who you truly are: glorious sons and daughters of the Almighty God." - Pres. Uchtdorf
YOU are AMAZING Heather!!
BTW - My kids LOVE "The Princess Bride"
- Lori :)
Hey Lori - I don't mind a "churchy" post or comment at all. Thank you for sharing and for being such a great teacher. I can tell you take your lesson preparation seriously and give a lot of thought into what you teach. I would love to visit sometime to hear you...maybe we can work that out in the near future. Thanks for your friendship and your kind words. Love ya, HB
ReplyDeleteHey Heather,
DeleteYou are welcome ANYTIME when I teach. Probably not super exciting, but I would love to see you! :) I only teach about every three months though so the next time I teach isn't until January. We'll have to do lunch again one of these days.